What I do?
I learned quickly by the blank stares or corner of the lips twitching that my question was poorly received. "So, what do you do?" I asked as I coiled up the docklines, the yacht I worked on in my mid-twenties slipping through Edgartown Harbor and out into Vineyard Sound. I was making small talk with our guests for the daysail and that 'what's your profession' question is usually the go-to phrase we all cling to. Sometimes guests would openly explain the trajectory of their careers, others would stammer on about what they used to do when they were younger. I soon found out that talking with much older or much wealthier people that sometimes that particular question does not apply in the way it does for those of us who need to think about our income.
After awhile I started asking the question, "So what keeps you busy?" I would hear stories about serious philanthropic work at cancer centers and managing of theater organizations, founding of non-profits and trips around the world and books that were being written about ancient societies. Even with people my own age whom I assumed had some sort of job I would ask my new go-to question and the answers always made me glad that I asked that instead of what someone's profession was. I found young moms responded especially well- surely they were sick of being asked what their job was and responding "mother" only to have people say, "Oh, so you don't work?"
Our perception of what constitutes work and our societal conceptions about how what one does to make money defines who we are can get quite frustrating.
Especially for those of us (the majority of us?) who work to make money to assure that we can meet our basic needs but manage to have a bit of fun along the way. Even if we enjoy our job we don't necessarily want to be pigeonholed into a label.
I was recently mixing up a batch of mojitos for a group of guys on a corporate yacht charter. They all worked hard together up north and made sure they played hard on the yacht in the islands. As I crushed the mint and splashed in the rum, a guest made a comment that I hear in some form almost every time I work on a boat. "So you work on boats, huh? Rough life!" (pause for sip of his gin and tonic) "What do you do on land? (or what are you going to do when you grow up? or when are you going to settle down?)" When I was in my twenties I laughed this off and quipped that maybe I would never settle- this life isn't so bad, hey? The guest would laugh and wander off to the bow.
Now that I'm reaching into my mid-thirties and I still have no set career path but I have a whole lot of adventures in my wake, I find I am much more sensitive to the question and its implications. Or rather my judgment of myself and the comparison to others my age who seem to have their shit together while I wander from job to job and country to country, clear path/career path unknown. Sometimes I wish I could say, "I am an accountant" or "I am a nurse" and feel proud of the schooling and order that come with such pronouncements.
Nowadays when people ask me what I do, I get flustered. What do I do? For work lately, I've been scrubbing toilets and making beds and serving cocktails as a stewardess, but I don't define myself as a yachtie stewardess. Its been fun to work with some great crews, see some amazing places, meet some interesting people, but it doesn't tell you much about me. What else do I do? I read, I write, I take photographs, I cook, I eat, I go out into the world and observe. I may clean toilets for money on occasion, but I don't think about toilets when I am out exploring and meeting people and living. I would love to make money doing something that I do think about when I am out exploring and meeting people and living, and sometimes that does happen on boats, but I am still waiting for the right mix.
So I've decided that when people ask me what I do, I can answer in a couple of ways that I feel will be more truthful than saying, Yachtie. I can say, "I live." Yup I know, sounds snarky, but hey, in the end all that we are really doing is living (dying).
Or I can tell you what I've done. I can list off countries I've been to, plays I've performed in, university degree and other certifications I have on crisp paper, stories about sailing from San Diego to New York on a 32' boat, yacht jobs I've had, my published articles, etc etc. It might take a while because it is varied and who I am and what I do is not easily corralled into a simple label, but what I've done tells more about me than what I do.
Or maybe I can just answer "What do you do?" with "Define do."
After awhile I started asking the question, "So what keeps you busy?" I would hear stories about serious philanthropic work at cancer centers and managing of theater organizations, founding of non-profits and trips around the world and books that were being written about ancient societies. Even with people my own age whom I assumed had some sort of job I would ask my new go-to question and the answers always made me glad that I asked that instead of what someone's profession was. I found young moms responded especially well- surely they were sick of being asked what their job was and responding "mother" only to have people say, "Oh, so you don't work?"
Our perception of what constitutes work and our societal conceptions about how what one does to make money defines who we are can get quite frustrating.
Especially for those of us (the majority of us?) who work to make money to assure that we can meet our basic needs but manage to have a bit of fun along the way. Even if we enjoy our job we don't necessarily want to be pigeonholed into a label.
I was recently mixing up a batch of mojitos for a group of guys on a corporate yacht charter. They all worked hard together up north and made sure they played hard on the yacht in the islands. As I crushed the mint and splashed in the rum, a guest made a comment that I hear in some form almost every time I work on a boat. "So you work on boats, huh? Rough life!" (pause for sip of his gin and tonic) "What do you do on land? (or what are you going to do when you grow up? or when are you going to settle down?)" When I was in my twenties I laughed this off and quipped that maybe I would never settle- this life isn't so bad, hey? The guest would laugh and wander off to the bow.
Now that I'm reaching into my mid-thirties and I still have no set career path but I have a whole lot of adventures in my wake, I find I am much more sensitive to the question and its implications. Or rather my judgment of myself and the comparison to others my age who seem to have their shit together while I wander from job to job and country to country, clear path/career path unknown. Sometimes I wish I could say, "I am an accountant" or "I am a nurse" and feel proud of the schooling and order that come with such pronouncements.
Nowadays when people ask me what I do, I get flustered. What do I do? For work lately, I've been scrubbing toilets and making beds and serving cocktails as a stewardess, but I don't define myself as a yachtie stewardess. Its been fun to work with some great crews, see some amazing places, meet some interesting people, but it doesn't tell you much about me. What else do I do? I read, I write, I take photographs, I cook, I eat, I go out into the world and observe. I may clean toilets for money on occasion, but I don't think about toilets when I am out exploring and meeting people and living. I would love to make money doing something that I do think about when I am out exploring and meeting people and living, and sometimes that does happen on boats, but I am still waiting for the right mix.
So I've decided that when people ask me what I do, I can answer in a couple of ways that I feel will be more truthful than saying, Yachtie. I can say, "I live." Yup I know, sounds snarky, but hey, in the end all that we are really doing is living (dying).
Or I can tell you what I've done. I can list off countries I've been to, plays I've performed in, university degree and other certifications I have on crisp paper, stories about sailing from San Diego to New York on a 32' boat, yacht jobs I've had, my published articles, etc etc. It might take a while because it is varied and who I am and what I do is not easily corralled into a simple label, but what I've done tells more about me than what I do.
Or maybe I can just answer "What do you do?" with "Define do."
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