Perspective

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There is a tug in my belly to go up, out.

Sometimes I forget there is an outside (this stove, fridge, bunk).   

I emerge from the galley into the blackness of night. The boat heaves and rolls as each swell barrels past the invisible reef and sways the hull, the mast swinging the anchor light like a pendulous comet. 

I climb onto teak and peeling rubber, glass and metal. I feel my way forward, steel guidelines in my hands, salt crusting on my fingertips as I go. At the bow I sit near the anchor chain, where it has disgorged itself from the boat and leads forward into murky water. The chain speaks with the passing of every wave, every gust of wind pulling it taut against rope and metal. I speak to the anchor, that little lump holding us in the middle of this dark bay, off the reefs, off the island. How much we depend on something so small and fierce! Dig in deep little one! 

My eyes adjust to the surrounding black, to the pinpoints of light overhead. I still don’t understand the Milky Way: how can we see it so clearly up there if we are a part of it down here? How can it be a sprinkled band across the sky if we are encompassed by it? Where does it begin and end? The stars don’t answer my questions, the Milky Way blushes at my ignorance and throws a worn stream of light my way. I make a wish, tear at my ribcage to open it to courage and love. 

I sway with the swells, the mast, the comets in all their forms. The darkness embraces me, the wind lustily kisses my neck, the water flashes silver with mystery. I want to capture this feeling, to jar it for the next day when the heat and this relentless cough and oftentimes meaningless work overwhelm my spirit. 

The wind shifts and the southern swells are less noticeable as they approach the bow and we ride into them. They are still there, still stroking the hull with salty memories of deeper water, but I cannot feel their influence in this moment and forget (exactly) how it felt to sway and heave in the past. 

It is all about perspective. 

I jar that thought, full of gratitude, and head down below to sleep.